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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Rise and Fall of Crappers

Sometimes you just need a quiet moment to relax and unwind; and that's kinda hard to get when the office crapper has more foot traffic than 6th street on a Saturday night.  For the lucky ones of us "Office Space" types, there are often other options.  In my office space world, the place to go when you "have to go" was the 4th floor john on the opposite side of the building.  It was just outside some lawyer office, and those guys had the good shit when it comes to shitters.  I may not swim with sharks, but it was kinda nice shitting with those snakes.

It was always a little bit of a walk, but they had freakin' Bed Bath & Beyond hand soaps in there.  The fixtures and tile were all new, and if you went in right at 2, you could often be the first to soil the soily.  It was the place to be, like an awesome plush bar that not everyone knew about yet.

Time happens though.  When you got a good thing goin' people find out about it.  People come far and wide, and people make "the place to be" turn into the place to be cliché.  In some cases they make it worse, as in the place to be stanked upon.  If you have discerning tastes when it comes to bathroom accommodations, you must always be on the hunt.  A good john is hard to find, and a good john is even harder to keep.

You can never rule anyplace out though.  Just remember, like any dive bar, a crapper is only one renovation away from a grand opening with new upscale clientele.  Fortunately, as the 4th floor bastion of waste descended into the sewer, the 3rd floor pooper room got a new look.  What once invoked thoughts of fear and, "I'm not gonna sit down here!" is now the newest, un-smelliest, most lightly traveled place to park your poop hole in the whole office building complex.